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Special Diet Fatigue

People are getting tired of bad behavior and they're not taking it anymore. I'm seeing everything from fewer groveling apologies from companies that said something that set off the recreationally offended crowd to more people cutting off family members. A recent Reddit thread was a woman asking AITAH (am I the asshole) for not accommodating someone's food allergies after seeing this person regularly cheat on her special diet and, for the coup de grace, didn't show up to a party she'd agreed to go to after the woman made a special cake for her dietary needs. 

"Your homemade gluten-free stuffing was awesome, but I can have a cheat day, right? Can I have a beer, too?" Image made with Grok Imagine.

Don't let this happen to you! Whether you're the host or the guest, you can avoid resentment and being the AH. 

For Hosts

If you're unwilling or unable to make special food for someone, just say so from the start. "I'm sorry, but I'm just not going to be able to do it" is all the explanation you need. If your guest offers to bring a dish for their special diet, tell them yes! It's better than making the whole meal yourself and resenting it if your special-diet guest goes off-plan. If you tell them no, don't bring anything, and they do what you told them to and don't bring anything, that's entirely on you. 

Be aware that special diet needs range from avoidance of life-threatening allergic reactions to completely discretionary lifestyle choices. Some people who avoid gluten, for example, get violently ill when they eat it. Others can get away with eating small amounts, and still others don't have any obvious, immediate reaction to it at all. 

People's food sensitivities can change over time, too--though usually over months or years rather than day-to-day. Many people are in the middle of trying to figure out what is causing their problems and that's why their diet needs change so often. 

If you do want to accommodate someone's special diet needs, ask what they can eat. Serve sauces and dressings on the side. Simple foods with few ingredients are less likely to contain hidden irritants. For special recipes, keep in mind that some ingredients like xylitol or monk fruit powder are expensive or hard to find, even in a big city, and might need to be ordered several days in advance. 

For Guests

Don't make it any harder for your host than absolutely necessary. If you're going to have a cheat day at their dinner, tell them that up front. If not, do offer to bring something--especially a dessert or baked goods, which tend to be problematic in their normal form and are the hardest foods to make. If your host wants a recipe or the brand of a special ingredient, give them the easiest thing they can find or cook. And then show up and eat it. 

Being tactfully honest, pitching in without overextending yourself, and understanding things from the other person's perspective should help you have a better holiday season.

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